I wanna get my book underway

I am gearing up to start my book. I have time on my hands now, recovering from this surgery.

So I just opened the Caringbridge journal, and I immediately (randomly) found myself at an entry talking about this very surgery that I am now recovering from. I have been weighing this out for *so long*-- over two years. I talked about that it would be to fix the hernia, laprascopically without touching the graft, the whole deal. It took two more years until I'd be ready emotionally & physically to do it. And who knows if I'd have gotten to this surgeon at that time. So interesting. I didn't realize how long I'd been tossing this around in my head. Two summers ago when we went to America for the family reunion is when the hernia got bigger and started to bulge out. Then I had a consult with the surgeon who is head of surgery (alef) in Soroka, and he told me about fixing it the way I just had it fixed now. But I am so glad it wasn't in Soroka. Now was the right time.

Recovery is pretty much going normally. I was told it'd be slow and painful, and guess what? It is. Every move I make is slow and painful. I feel like I have to hold the left side of my belly all the time if I am standing; it feels so fragile like it'll break if I don't hold it. When I do let go, it hurts more. I guess that's just part of my body getting acquainted with the "new equipment".

I am trying to stay on a permanent regimen of pain killers, but it doesn't always work out. The Percocet sometimes puts me to sleep, then I wake up and it's worn off. I go to try to get out of bed and get jabbing pains in my gut. Tomorrow I am going to try something different, which they had given me in the hospital- "Voltarin" (a drug in the category of NSAID). It is non-narcotic, and hopefully will help with the pain. They gave it to me in inter-muscular shots in the hospital, and it helped. Hopefully it'll help in another form, as well.

That's it... pain management, and passing hours. The kids come up here a lot, whenever they want to. But if they see I'm sleeping, they have specific directions to not wake me. I played a board game with Wazi today.

I do believe that this is the last surgery having to do with the NF. Please GD. I have decided not to go ahead with the reconstruction. This surgery reconstructed the important bits, and the rest is just skin. Our bodies are just a structure for our souls. If the structure is healthy and works well, how it looks or externally feels isn't important.

I am too spacey from the Percocet to continue concentrating. I hope the Voltarin tomorrow will take the pain away without the spaciness.