This Is Spinal Tap.

Since the last time I wrote about that "thunderclap" headache........

I am lying flat in bed with no other options. Because of that I can't write a lot (bad angle for the laptop and my head), but I'll try to give you a taste of what is going on here.

Since last Tuesday, October 18th, I have not had a break in headaches. At all. Not one minute. And many times it's worse than it is now (because I am trying to lie flat, which is when it feels the best, but still hurts).

Friday I went to the emergency room. The headache was so bad, and ongoing since Tuesday. It was by no means a migraine, though, it felt different than my migraines. We looked on line (Dr. Google), and there was talk of a possible hemmorage with the way the headache on Tuesday came about. There was talk about mortality; that people can die from this. The only way to rule out that particular hemmorage was to have a special CT (angio), and a spinal tap. It got scary, so I went to the ER.

I was there for t h i r t e e n  hours. Bright lights, tremendous noise, lots of sick people moaning, vomiting, talking loudly, yelling. It was.... yeah, not fun. I was alone for almost all of the time, except for a visit from a good friend for a few hours in there. That was good, thanks, BD!!

It's a long time, though.

Thankfully the ER doc was on the ball with what I was telling him about how the headache came on and it's symptoms, and knew immediately what tests to order and what we were looking for.

Anyway, eventually they got the CT done, then they did the spinal tap. I could give you an account of how things really went down there in the ER, but I literally cannot be in this position typing for very long. Suffice it to say that I was scared out of my wits to do a spinal tap; Robert had one a long time ago when he had meningitis, and I saw (and heard) him suffering from the test itself, and the lasting after-effects. During the whole procedure, I was praying to Hashem to guide the surgeon's hand (local anesthesia), and please save me from bad side effects, please be with me, this is my time of need, I'm scared, please guide the neurologist's hand, and so on....

Well, we never know how our prayers get answered. I may have been spared something much worse than what I am suffering with now, but this is what is going on:

First of all, the tests were Negative for the big bad hemmorage. Thank Gd.

I don't know which part of this picture is the primary headache, but what I have now seems to be spinal tap after-effects.

The main one being that I cannot stand up, or even sit (especially not sit) for more than about 15 or 20 mins. At all. A huge headache starts to take over my entire head, and a solid block of steel pain invades my neck, and I am desperate to lie down. Only lying down can give me relief. But not lying down on pillows with my head at an angle... down. As in flat. Try drinking and eating in that position. And the relief it delivers is not total. I still have a headache 24/7. For a week. Now. Always. When I wake in the night to use the bathroom, it hits me like a lightening bolt, even though I stand up slowly. I reluctantly wake in the morning, knowing that I have to deal with this reality again for a day.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to do life in my coming days/weeks.... obviously I can't drive. How is Azriel going to get home from school? Shifra has rehearsals with the show she is in, "Annie". I also have certain responsibilities to my friend's 6-year-old daughter. My friend is sicker than me. Life is complicated.

How am I going to stand in the kitchen enough to make dinners, salads, laundry, anything?

OK, One Day At A Time.

This will heal. I will heal. The spinal tap effects will heal. They are normal occurrences. People on the internet say, however, that it can take from two weeks to six weeks to totally clear up.

I don't know how long.

I have to just rest and give my body a chance to get better. The spinal fluid has to be replaced from where it was taken, and that takes time. That is what causes the headaches while standing upright.

I won't get into any more details. I need to go to sleep. I've been a bit fevery the whole time, too.

Please body, get strong, heal, return to me the gift of movement. I'll be patient. I'll try my hardest to be patient.