Steroid shots; I'm going for temporary

Looks like steroids are a way of life for some... and I'm among those in the ranks. I don't love the notion, but they work. I know it's a temporary fix, but I'm going for less pain in my life. It doesn't address root problems, but I can only do what I can do.

Last Thursday I was at Ichilov hospital in Tel Aviv to see my orthopedic oncologist about my left hip pain. I was going through my checklist of what the pain could be from, and after ruling out osteomyelitis, PVNS was next. I had that 10 years ago, and underwent a few surgeries in the hip because of it. It has a 50% recurrence rate, so I had to go check that out.

The orthopedic oncologist said he'd take a look at my MRI's that I have to do in the next few months from various other doctors, but he was almost 100% sure that what I am suffering from is bursitis of the hip. He offered to do steroid shots into my hip right then and there, and after thinking about it a little bit, and discussing it with him, I went for it. Even though steroids can lower immunity, and even though I have an open, active infection going on right nearby where those shots were going, the infection being in my skin graft. The orthopedist wasn't concerned about that infection... that concerned me. But I went for it anyway. We will go to great lengths to be out of pain. At least, that's where I've come.

The shots hurt like hell. In the Mayo clinic they were administered into my stomach wall muscle after a local anesthetic was given first. Here, it was straight into that hip joint with the needles. Two places. The rest of the day I was in intense pain, could barely walk. I slept with a heating pad on my leg, and it was a bit better the next day. Shabbat was a little better yet, and today (Sunday), I actually got myself to the gym to get working again. It hurts, but I do think the steroids are helping already actually. The injection points look pretty clean, I think I'm OK. There is one guy on my NF support list who got NF through a steroid injection into his hip. But you can't live in fear.

Interesting outcome is with the open wound on my graft- it seems to have reacted positively to the steroids, and overnight it formed a decent, tough scab. Usually it scabs, but after a shower, the scab comes off and it oozes again. I have been cleaning it like four times a day from gook. But after the steroid shots into my hip, it dried up and formed a durable scab. How interesting, right? It's been dry for three days now... life is full of surprises! I know that the staph infection in that area isn't gone, steroids don't kill infection, but not having an open wound is a good thing.

The first night after the steroid shots I didn't sleep *all night*. I didn't have that effect after the stomach steroid shots at Mayo. I was just wired awake, no matter what I tried. I've been making up for that missed night since then, headachey and tired a lot. But like I said, I got back to the gym today, did 5 km on the bike at a decent resistance, and a lot of weight training and stretches. It's hard work.

I am in pain in my hip now, but it's tolerable. I'll turn on the heating pad again when I go to sleep.

In the meantime, I saw good friends on Shabbat, and celebrated Dov's 20th birthday (!!) with a home-made cake. First home-made birthday cake I made in a long time, baruch Hashem. It was a gluten-free carrot cake, and it came out great! We had a little family party for him last night.

I hope I'm entering a new phase in ability... if the steroid shots keep warding off the pain, who knows what I am capable of! But it's gonna take time. I'm tired... a lot. But not giving up. Not giving up.

Missing my father on his would-have-been 88th birthday. I had a good cry Friday night, not even realizing it was his birthday. My soul knew, though. I just want to pick up the phone and talk to him, joke around like we always used to, tell him he's the best and wish him a happy birthday. In a few weeks, we will have closed an entire year after his passing. Hard to believe. I miss him terribly. There was never a gentler soul in the world.

I'm not ready to stop grieving him, as per tradition after the year is over. Well, not really "stop grieving him", but go back to resuming all the "normal" things one does when they are not in the year of mourning. Going to live music concerts (I miss those), buying new garments, going to public parties. For me, it's been over two years that I have been basically out of the swing of doing these things. My mom died, then after her year of mourning was finished, four months later my father died. It's been pretty intense. I'll get back into activities as I feel I can. I just keep making paths around the big hole that is in front of me all the time, and I go on. Sometimes I fall into that hole... the hole of losing both my parents in what feels like one-fell-swoop. Hard to incorporate.

Happy 88th in Gan Eden, Dad. I love you and miss you.