The stairs and the anguish

 We just had a really hard conversation. We've had this particular conversation before, but not in a while. It's about our house, and it's about my health. Our house is, in my opinion, beautiful. It's large- 10 and a half rooms. It's on four levels, lots of stairs. In the passed 13 years, after numerous surgeries, I have gone on the stairs on my tush (after four hip surgeries), with crutches, a folded-up walker, a cane, and sometimes, in tears. Our bedroom is at the very top of the house- we finished off the attic when we bought the house, and it is a beautiful parent's suite complete with skylights, a large walk-in closet and luxurious bathroom. I really do love this house, but the stairs... my hip is still hurting me and at some point I'll need the second hip done (not any time soon!!), and I'm having some serious problems with my knee mainly on stairs or when I am working out. For years, since I had the ongoing abdominal pain, I have been saying to Robert that we need a one-level house. He is not on the same page as me, but he's also not in pain. He believes in fixing my body so it won't hurt instead of moving house. I half-agree with fixing my body, but I don't believe that I will be out of pain. True, the abdominal surgery I had last summer in New York worked to alleviate that intense pain, and I am grateful for that. In the middle of it I thought it'd be forever.

One main thing is that I am four months after hip replacement surgery, my hip still hurts, and my knee hurts....I've been through SO MUCH health-wise, I can't deal with the idea of another surgery. Robert thinks that if the orthopedist says I need knee surgery (I'll see the orthopedist in a few weeks with my MRI) then I'll just do that and all will be fine, I'll be out of pain. I know this is not necessarily so, especially with knees. I'll reiterate- I can't deal with another surgery. I just can't. I don't know if I'll go do a knee surgery if the orthopedist says he can do some procedure and the pain will go away. Nobody can promise the pain will go away. It's not for certain I'd go do another surgery. I'm really traumatized by having been through so much, I just can't do it anymore. I've had like 13 surgeries or something- I lost count (only three were life saving surgeries, and one had an induced coma afterward). Some time I'll list them in a blog in chronological order. The point is that this hip replacement surgery was kind of the straw that broke this camel's back. No. More. Surgery. (unless it's life threatening G-d forbid). I am doing all sorts of things to prevent having to do more surgery, but it's not helping my knee problem (which I'm not even sure what the problem is yet). I go to the gym three times a week (once I work out with a personal trainer, once by myself, and once in the pool), each time I do 10 kilometres on the stationary bike with resistance. I also take vitamins and a healthy joint supplement, and I eat healthily. I'm doing what I can.

We started talking about moving cities, if we're already going to look for another house. We love it here in Be'er Sheva, and we love our house, so it's a hard conversation to have. My oldest son and his wife are living up north, about a three hour drive from here, we could move closer to them, but who knows if they will stay there or not. Anyway, I'll see the orthopedist in a few weeks and take it from there. We could maybe install an elevator in our house, or a stair-chair thing. I don't really want to do that, but it's an option.

Meanwhile I am going three to four mornings a week to silversmith training, and I just finished my first thing that will be sold in the center where I work- a silver ring decorated with silver twisted rope (which I also made). I am proud of all the things I make, it is so much work, you'd be surprised. I like it though- especially soldering. Hand me a blow torch any day!

That's it for now. Well, there's more, but I'm not at liberty to discuss it-- issues with one of my kids. I'm very worried about this child. Hashem give us clarity and strength! 

Azriel is starting to dorm next week (9th grade), that will be interesting. Never a dull moment around here. Well, increasingly there are dull moments, but that's OK too. He'll be home Wed nights, and learn on Zoom Thursdays. No school Fridays for him anymore. (But the first day of our work/school week here in Israel is Sunday).

Signing off for now. I can't believe Rosh Hashana is around the corner. I'm not ready. But I'll get ready!