The six week mark

Six weeks is a marking point for post surgery. It's supposed to be markedly improved at this point. I think I've made good progress, actually. I am driving again finally, and it doesn't hurt to drive. I drove the kids and I to the beach last Friday, it was awesome! I went into the Mediterranean and jumped the waves with my kids. The ocean really threw us around a lot, it was hard on my hip, but I did it. I didn't go in a second time, though, after that.

The huge bummer is this: an unexpected complication.... my rebound headaches are back. That's when I take OTC medications too often (more than twice a week, not two days in a row), and it creates headaches after dependency is established. I've been on over-the-counter (OTC) pain medicines every day for the passed 6 weeks- today was the first day I didn't take pain medicine (for my hip). I didn't take it- not because the pain is so much better- but because I spoke with my neurologist yesterday and I told him the frequency of my headaches and that I've been taking lots of OTC meds, and he told me it's rebound headaches. I hadn't realized that before we spoke. I just didn't connect the hip pain medicine with headache medicine. So I have to withdraw now, get off all pain meds. Joy. I had a nasty headache yesterday, and have one today as well, a little less severe, but it tends to get worse with the time of the day. It starts in the afternoon and gets stronger into the night. And I can't take ANYTHING for it. It really stinks. Last time I went through a withdrawal for my OTC medicines I had to be hospitalized the migraines were so bad. Last night I found myself wishing I could get an IV "cocktail" for the headache, but no way am I going to the hospital unless I am absolutely suffering awfully. I waited it out, somehow got to sleep, and woke up without it. But over the course of the day the headache has been creeping up on me. I would normally take Tylenol + Excedrin for this level of headache, but I can't now, it'll just make things drag on and be worse tomorrow (and won't help much if at all. The pain meds I was taking for the hip pain stopped being effective also). My body just rejects, or renders ineffective many medications. I have so many allergies (like anaphylactic shock allergies) and now I am reminded of the rebound headache problem. If I hadn't spoken to my neurologist yesterday (on the phone) I wouldn't have realized that I was setting myself up for this issue. Damn. It's going to be up to a week of this withdrawal from pain meds. I've done it a few times before, indeed I've done much harder withdrawals too (Methadone, Fentanyl after five years on it...), but it really stinks. I have a headache right now from it, and will have one tomorrow, too.

I had called my neurologist because I need my Cannabis licence renewed, and he is the one in charge of that. He needed a recent appointment to show that he is still my doctor, etc. So we did it by phone. He asked me how many headaches I have a month, how much OTC medications am I taking, and that's how this all came to light. Also, one of the pain medicines I was taking for my hip pain has caffeine in it, and that is also very bad for my brain dependency/headache issues. I'm bummed out about this development. I know it will pass though. It's just hard waiting for it to pass.

In other news, I am still emotionally struggling with the age-old question "who am I"? I never had this question before I had NF. I was too busy for that question. Now, I'm not at all busy, although I do plan to go back to the jewelry making job soon, possibly next week. I spoke to the manager today about it. And I haven't played horn yet for six weeks since my surgery. I haven't been up to it yet. I honestly don't even know how I feel about it, I am not chomping at the bit to go play again, I don't have much motivation to do that...or anything really these days. I think surgeries take a lot out of me, because I've been through so damn much these past 13 years. It takes so much time to get myself back. So much, and I'm weary from it all.
You know what? My head hurts too much to keep writing and looking at the screen. I'll end this here. I think I can see why I'm not working these days....